Wednesday, April 30, 2014

No Man, No Children, NO HURRY!

I did a little research. By research, I mean I Binged the question “What is the average age of marriage in the US?”
I stumbled upon this lovely list on The Huffington Post titled “5 Good Reasons to Get Married While You're Young”. I might have adlibbed a bit and added the word “not” in the title somewhere.
1.       It could make you happier.

       So could chocolate. Never underestimate the power of it. It’s kind of yummy. Just ask this baby:

Spend time with friends or family. Take a trip. Watch your favorite movie. Exercise. Treat yourself to something new. Be merry, not married.
2.       You’ll make more money.

Consider counterfeiting. I’m kidding. Don’t do that, it’s illegal. How about working towards a promotion? Go to college and get a degree or go again. Work two jobs instead of one. There are a lot of ways to make more money. *Here’s a hint: Don’t have children. They cost money. If you are making it by okay on the salary you currently have but there isn’t much wiggle room, then for goodness sakes, DON’T PUT ANY BUNS IN ANY OVEN! Put a chastity belt on that oven. If you need more income, there is a really obvious solution and it involves putting on “real” pants, not taking them off.
3.       You’ll have more sex.

Go out clubbing/bar hopping/partying on a Friday or Saturday evening. My guess is that with a little inebriation, the end result will bring you #3 if that’s what you’re after. But don’t forget about number 2 while you’re at it. Number 3 could ruin your chances at achieving number 2.
4.       You’ll drink less alcohol.

That’s a nice thought. But you might need a little alcohol every now and then because you’re married.
5.       There’s nothing to be gained from waiting—if you think you’re ready.

Uhh…except for your own independence. As a girl, I can say that there is a huge advantage to having a man in your life, especially when you don’t want to find out why the sink isn’t draining. Being alone forces you to figure out how to take care of yourself. We live in a world of convenience today and I think it’s making us spoiled. Maybe you’ll break something if you try to repair the sink but maybe you’ll find out that there was a minor clog and it’s a simple fix. I am no exterminator but killing a spider and being able to get rid of it is not such a bad skill to have.
Once you are married, there is no going back. There are no days off from marriage. It’s not a job. The older you are, the more of life you’ve experienced so you will know when you are ready to get married. You will know why that relationship with that particular person is different from any other you’ve had before.  It’s a big decision and it’s as the vows say, “‘til death”. I don’t say that to scare you. I say it so you’ll think it through. It's more than a walk down the isle in a pretty dress. It's more than decorations and rings and pictures. Don’t say that if it doesn’t work out you can always get a divorce. The word divorce shouldn’t be on your mind if you are getting married.

Marriage is not about what you want. It’s about what you both want. “You” becomes “us”. No do-overs or take-backs. You put someone else’s needs before your own. That is love. This is not me saying to never get married! I want to get married someday, I do. My brother is married with a child and another kid on the way. Two of my younger cousins are already ahead of me, one engaged, one going to be a father. One of my best friends is married and expecting her first bundle of joy. Old classmates of mine are married and having children and buying houses.

I’m happy for all of them. Sometimes I’m jealous. Sometimes I feel like I have to catch up but then I remind myself that I AM NOT BEHIND. Today’s culture wants you to believe that you need to follow a pattern and it all needs to start about the time you reach college age. Going through the motions (dating, engagement, marriage, new house, baby) doesn’t make you happy.  

Wanting something because other people have it is not the right reason to want anything. Want it because you are ready and because it will make you happy.

Most importantly, it is okay to be merry without being married. So if you are reading this and you are already married, Congratulations! I hope you are enjoying a strong, faithful, passionate relationship with your spouse. If you are reading this and you aren’t married, Congratulations! Let’s hang out and travel to Europe. I have a craving for some Italian pasta and wine.